Leavin' on a jet plane...

but I do know when I'll be back again.

I'm sitting in an empty dorm room which I have it to myself until later in the summer I guess.

I just cracked my head on one of the beds too, that was lovely. :P

Everything went smoothly today, without a hitch. I just ate dinner with people... um. yea.

I'm tired and wanting to complain, but not really because I know everything is always weird right when you get somewhere and it takes some time to warm up.

Just checked out the showers though..gross...I thought girls were supposed to be clean.

My flight got in early today so I was able to catch an earlier shuttle up to Snow Mountain Ranch. Saw some cool rock formations, obviously a lot of regional metamorphism in these parts.

Filled out paperwork, got an ID badge, took a driving tour of the ranch with an RA guy and then ate dinner with him and some of his friends. I don't work tomorrow, so I have a day to get settled. It feels really empty here, which I wasn't expecting. I think I saw maybe...2 guests so far? There aren't many staff here atm because it's transition time between the seasons. I don't know if I'm missing something, but I thought Colorado would be prettier than this. It's probably just the old snow that's melting and all the mud that makes it look so desolate. Plus the pine beetle destroyed a ton of pines around here.

I haven't had any issues breathing, which is good. That's what I was most worried about. It doesn't feel much different. Oh, it's really windy here too. Must be all the mountain winds and whatnot.

I miss people, but I know I'll be alright. It will take a while to adjust, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be right now.

Um..I'm going to go unpack now. Or clean the shower...seriously... :P

Random Ramblings

FOUR more days and I'm gone, baby, gone. =D

I've spent so long in a "limbo" period. Never able to be comfortable where I'm at because something may change soon but yet never moving forward because nothing EVER happens. It's tense, uncomfortable, irritating, unsettling..you name it. It's been this way for probably half of my life. Finally though, I'm moving! I'm changing! I'm GOING and not looking back. There is no limbo period. Four days and my life will be new. New people to make friends with, new situations, new job skills, new freedom and of course, new responsibility (but I'll think about that later :P).

I wish I could just leave all of my stuff behind and start fresh and clean. The thrifty Scot in me is saying "Don't throw that away! You can use that later!" The OCD in me is saying, "THROW IT AWAY!!! There will be less to pack if you don't take ANY of it!" I hate it. I hate it all. Will I really miss any of this stuff if I get rid of it? Will I ever look at it again? Is my mind enough to keep the memories alive or should I keep some of the sentimental stuff to trigger memories later? I HATE being wasteful. Everything I throw away is just going to a gigantic landfill...but I want it out of my sight. I would donate it but no one else would want it. I know I'll just accumulate more junk later. It always happens. Tomorrow is another day. Another chance to try and offload all of this stuff. A few of my friends have asked if I need help packing. I almost want to say yes, just so they can help me from freezing up out of stress. Tell me what to do, please, someone.

Went to a Sounder's game with my brother tonight. That was so much fun! We were pretty much the only dry ones in the stadium. Us and like 4 rows in front of us were under the overhang in the back. It made the experience a whole lot more enjoyable. :) I'm really getting into sporting events. I love the atmosphere, the excitement, the TALENT of the people playing. It's just so much fun. :) I love hockey the best so far, with soccer at a close second and football in there 3rd probably. I could probably care less about watching them on TV. It's kind of funny, it's strange for me at first at sporting events because there's no play by play commentary! It's so "quiet." Like...omg, the concentration is on the players like, playing, instead of on talking heads who feel the need to analyze everything. What a concept. :P WSU has a club hockey team, I'm excited. Thank you to my brother for taking me to my first inaugural sports experiences. He's the best person to take along to these things. :)

It's interesting how the only times I'm upset, stressed, sick, angry, sad, depressed, etc is when I'm lacking in sleep. I swear, sleep is my drug. I take a nap, wake up, and hey! The whole world is a brighter and happier place to be. I'm worried that I'm going to have a hard time adjusting to immediate 8 hour work days, with probably a ton of activities with the new people I meet after I get off work. Will I sleep? Will I eat well? Will I get sick? Or will I be so energized that I adapt to my new lifestyle and feel better than ever? My doctor said it will take a few weeks for my body to kick in and start making new red blood cells to deal with the new oxygen levels. I'll be at 9,000 feet in Colorado. Oh, and apparently this is the worse winter Colorado has had in a while and they're expecting it to last through May...YAY... :P

Um, well, that's about all that's been going through my mind lately. It's hard to feel sad about leaving, except when I think about the people I'm leaving behind. I can empathize with them because I hate being left behind more than anything. Thank goodness for Facebook, except that can never replace spending time with those you love. But hey, I'm not dying, just going away for a while! I'll be back! Kind of... :P

I can't wait to leave!!! This is so huge! I'm so excited!! I get nervous from time to time, but I know that this is God's doing, so I know he's taking care of me. I've got a ton of maturing and growing to do and I know that it's not going to be easy. It will be good though, because God is good and he loves me beyond my realm of comprehension.

Good night!

(If you made it through this whole thing, congrats! You either love me a lot or have too much time on your hands.)

Oooo it's SUPER windy and rainy! My favorite!!

Life...update?

Ooo boy. God is really turning my life inside-outside-upside-downside lately. This is a good thing, a great thing, an amazingly wonderful thing, but really hard too. My life as I knew it is reaching the point of becoming only a memory of a life I once lived and every connection to it is being cut off. I applied to WSU, found wonderful roommates who are old high school friends of mine, signed a lease on a condo/duplex thing, then found out that I got accepted to WSU... a tad out of order but that seems to be how I'm doing things these days. My family's house is getting foreclosed on, we have to be out soon, so I started looking for a job so I could earn a lot of money this summer to pay for rent in the fall. I stumbled upon the YMCA of the Rockies: Snow Mountain Ranch in Colorado and applied almost immediately. I haven't heard back from them yet, but I am acting in faith. I dropped my spring quarter classes at Green River in preparation for hopefully going to Colorado...that was a weird thing to do. It felt like the final moment of "here goes everything! I'm dropping classes before I know if I've got the job...if I click this button, I'm really realizing that I'm taking a leap of faith and that my life is soon going to be way out of my comfort zone." I turned 2o this week, found out my dog has cancer..we suspected, but now we know for sure, and my boyfriend and I broke up today. So...basically. I'll soon be free from all of what tied me down to my current life. My family will soon be dissolved, my house will be gone, I won't be in school, my dog will be dead, I don't have a boyfriend, and I'll be leaving soon, on some grand adventure in the Rocky Mountains.

But it's all good. My parents are making out on a fresh start! My mom is healthy, they will soon be out of debt and hopefully staying that way and my dad won't have to work at a job he hates.

My house will be gone, we won't have a "family center" for some time, but my family is growing stronger and closer than ever before. Who knows where the wind will carry my brother, but he will be happy wherever he goes and Skype makes it all good. :P I'm dropping school now to save money and make money to pursue an education in what I really want to be, a Geologist.

My dog has lived a full and happy life, being a part of my life for the last 14 years. She's sick, but not in pain and has no clue how old or sick she really is. :P

My boyfriend...my boyfriend. My wonderful Mitch. I love him and I always will. There is so much to say, he knows and I know, so I won't try to belittle it by typing it in words. But to all of you, don't worry, we're actually pretty alright because we know it's for the best. We're much happier being incredible friends than so-so boyfriend/girlfriend.

God is so incredible. My relationship with him is reaching bounds that I have never experienced before and gahhhh, it's so, so amazing. I wish everyone knew what it feels like to be this loved. I am learning so much about..everything and growing in new and painful, but great ways. He is what is getting me through everything. I have never known his faithfulness like this before. Everything that is happening is part of his plan...it couldn't possibly be anything else.

Everything hinges on this job in Colorado. I am moving in faith and trusting in God that he knows what's best for me. If I get it, great! If I don't, it will just be another branch of the adventurous journey that God is taking me on. I really am enjoying the ride, despite everything, because I know what's at the end and along the way. :)

More life goals

I have about 20 different journals which I abandon after the first 3 entries, so I'm putting this here, where I know it will be safe.

I only have a very vague memory of taking piano lessons around 14 years ago. I practiced jingle bells religiously until I could pound it out with the best of them, but after a while I guess I just lost interest. The same thing happened with ballet, gymnastics, tap, swimming lessons, the flute, horseback riding...

My problem that I have with my upbringing is that I was allowed to quit anything I didn't like, whenever I wanted to (it wasn't always in their control though, due to sickness and money, which I completely understand!). Sure, I was a happy child, not being exhausted by ballet practices and such, but I've noticed that I unfortunately still have next to no discipline for following through. I can't play an instrument, I never played sports, I can't swim... but changing that is my responsibility now.

I've been wanting to take piano lessons for a few years but just never got around to it. My friend Becca, however, knows how to play, so we made a deal: I babysit for her and she gives me lessons! I'm working diligently to learn my notes and by golly it's so much easier to like...read music when you know which notes are which! :P I'm so happy that I've finally started to do something and that I'm actually sticking to it!

Next on the list:

Learn how to play piano really well

Learn how to swim (I've had a few people offer to teach me, but I hate lakes...so that leaves pools.)

Learn how to dance (ballroom, swing, lyrical, anything and everything!)

Learn how to speak a language fluently. (preferably ASL, my love.)