I am overwhelmed by the love in my life.
It's flowing from every corner of my world, from my Rock and my Confidant, from every person that is close to me.
I can't possibly deserve it..but I don't know, I guess that's what love is. I've had such a difficult week, I'm emotionally exhausted but my heart feels like it's swelling to capacity right now. I've grown so much this week, I've learned more about myself, God, and my relationships in such a short period of time. I can't even explain what God means to me right now, but I am closer to him now than I have been in years. I am seeking him and waiting on him, following his lead for my life. I'm trusting him utterly and completely, down to the very essence of who I am in him. I'm growing and I'm trusting, and he is proving himself faithful, to a point which I have never experienced before. I am fulfilled in him, in every essence of the word. There is a quote from moulin rouge, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." I'm actually thinking that might be true. Love is greater than most people give it credit for, they cheapen it by creating different societal definitions. But for me, the kind of love I'm seeking to give and to receive is the love that is true and pure. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
1 corinthians 13:4-8
God IS love. He is all I need and this love is what I'm striving for.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
"Drifting"- Bebo Norman
Sometimes when I'm all alone
I don't know if I can
Take another breath
Some say home is where the heart is
Tell me where my home is
'Cause i'm scared to death
Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams
I am drifting in the deep end
Holding on to your hand
Is all that saves me now
Life can treat you like a beggar
You hold me together
But I don't know how
Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams
Some say home is where the heart is
And my heart is in your hands
You are all I need
Rising from the ashes
Lifting from the madness
Now you see my heart is
Deep enough to dream
Heal me from the deathblow
Lead and I will follow
Now you feel my heart glow
Mending at the seams
I don't know if I can
Take another breath
Some say home is where the heart is
Tell me where my home is
'Cause i'm scared to death
Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams
I am drifting in the deep end
Holding on to your hand
Is all that saves me now
Life can treat you like a beggar
You hold me together
But I don't know how
Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams
Some say home is where the heart is
And my heart is in your hands
You are all I need
Rising from the ashes
Lifting from the madness
Now you see my heart is
Deep enough to dream
Heal me from the deathblow
Lead and I will follow
Now you feel my heart glow
Mending at the seams
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Things I love
Making new friends
Having classes cancelled
Taking random and silly pictures with Mitch
Singing along to music
Hearing my favorite song on the radio
The Newsies soundtrack
Old school movies
Eating dark chocolate
Blogging
Having social interaction with my friends and actually becoming closer after high school
Running into random people
Going on adventures!!!
Seeing my friends!! ( I can't WAIT to see hannah tomorrow and Becky on Saturday!! And anja soon and danielle soon too I hope)
Having an insatiable thirst for knowledge
Learning how to play the piano
Having classes cancelled
Taking random and silly pictures with Mitch
Singing along to music
Hearing my favorite song on the radio
The Newsies soundtrack
Old school movies
Eating dark chocolate
Blogging
Having social interaction with my friends and actually becoming closer after high school
Running into random people
Going on adventures!!!
Seeing my friends!! ( I can't WAIT to see hannah tomorrow and Becky on Saturday!! And anja soon and danielle soon too I hope)
Having an insatiable thirst for knowledge
Learning how to play the piano
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
In other news..
Well it's always nice to learn new things about yourself, right? Like, apparently, when involved in some form of confrontation, I get extremely physically ill. Even just thinking about it right now is making my stomach hurt.
In other news, I got a new toothbrush and I'm pretty sure I know who I'm voting for. Pshh, finally, it only took me like a year. (The choice of candidates, not getting a new toothbrush.) I still need to do some more research on the candidates though, and I'm kind of taking the "lesser of two evils" approach. Pretty much nothing could stop me from voting though, I've been looking forward to this right as an American Citizen for over a year now. That's why it's been so hard for me to not know who I'm voting for. I want to vote so badly but i refuse to do it just for the sake of voting, without a clear and definite reason behind my actions. I refuse to be an apathetic or just plain lazy voter. I'm taking this extremely seriously, making sure that I'm making the right decision on who I think will do the best (or simply less..worse) job of leading our country.
Life is really exciting for me right now. My thirst for knowledge has been awakened in me again, through my psychology and political science classes, and I really can't get enough information. Usually I'm interested in things but I never actually pursue finding the information. Now, however, I'm actually researching things and asking questions and reading up on specific ideas, facts, theories and information. Life is fascinating, not only learning how the world around me works (in a political and psychological way) but on a personal level as well. I'm learning, growing and changing in myself, in my relationships and in God. I still don't know why my life took the course it did, with me staying here instead of going off to Whitworth, but for the first time in the past 6 or so weeks, I feel like God is awakening things inside of me and is beginning to show me why he has me here at this stage in my life. I'm actually really looking forward to what he has in store for me, because I know it's going to be good. :)
In other news, I got a new toothbrush and I'm pretty sure I know who I'm voting for. Pshh, finally, it only took me like a year. (The choice of candidates, not getting a new toothbrush.) I still need to do some more research on the candidates though, and I'm kind of taking the "lesser of two evils" approach. Pretty much nothing could stop me from voting though, I've been looking forward to this right as an American Citizen for over a year now. That's why it's been so hard for me to not know who I'm voting for. I want to vote so badly but i refuse to do it just for the sake of voting, without a clear and definite reason behind my actions. I refuse to be an apathetic or just plain lazy voter. I'm taking this extremely seriously, making sure that I'm making the right decision on who I think will do the best (or simply less..worse) job of leading our country.
Life is really exciting for me right now. My thirst for knowledge has been awakened in me again, through my psychology and political science classes, and I really can't get enough information. Usually I'm interested in things but I never actually pursue finding the information. Now, however, I'm actually researching things and asking questions and reading up on specific ideas, facts, theories and information. Life is fascinating, not only learning how the world around me works (in a political and psychological way) but on a personal level as well. I'm learning, growing and changing in myself, in my relationships and in God. I still don't know why my life took the course it did, with me staying here instead of going off to Whitworth, but for the first time in the past 6 or so weeks, I feel like God is awakening things inside of me and is beginning to show me why he has me here at this stage in my life. I'm actually really looking forward to what he has in store for me, because I know it's going to be good. :)
Sunday, October 05, 2008
And again
cabin fever
n. Boredom, restlessness, or irritability that results from a lack of environmental stimulation, as from a prolonged stay in a remote, sparsely populated region or a confined indoor area.
My life is a cabin and the fever is my way of escape.
Right now I'm just going insane. I'm living my life the same way, doing the same things, expecting different results that will never come.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
n. Boredom, restlessness, or irritability that results from a lack of environmental stimulation, as from a prolonged stay in a remote, sparsely populated region or a confined indoor area.
My life is a cabin and the fever is my way of escape.
Right now I'm just going insane. I'm living my life the same way, doing the same things, expecting different results that will never come.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
Inspiration is building
I want to fly in a bazillion directions at once
I want the colors, words and movements to burst out of me like they were born with wings.
I want to dance like an autumn leaf in a windstorm
to throw my hands up and have expressions of color flow from my palms,
surrounding me as I twirl and jump in the torrent of leaves,
their colors as numerous as my spinning dreams.
I want to be me again.
Free as the wind,
unstable as the changing seasons.
I want the colors, words and movements to burst out of me like they were born with wings.
I want to dance like an autumn leaf in a windstorm
to throw my hands up and have expressions of color flow from my palms,
surrounding me as I twirl and jump in the torrent of leaves,
their colors as numerous as my spinning dreams.
I want to be me again.
Free as the wind,
unstable as the changing seasons.
wrestling with myself
The artistry inside cries out from within me
I reply, with regret, "I have not the means to set you free.
I am no poet, nor dancer, nor musical genius
nor painter or singer or writer of lore."
But, it replies, you are an artist, you have the ability to
capture the world in your heart and set your love in motion.
Gather the words before you and paint them in rhythm,
let the movements of joy course through your body,
gather the notes of color and release them through your fingers.
You were born with the desire to encompass your heart and
set it free so the world can share your love for life.
You were born with the capacity to find the means.
Go, set forth, express and be free.
I reply, with regret, "I have not the means to set you free.
I am no poet, nor dancer, nor musical genius
nor painter or singer or writer of lore."
But, it replies, you are an artist, you have the ability to
capture the world in your heart and set your love in motion.
Gather the words before you and paint them in rhythm,
let the movements of joy course through your body,
gather the notes of color and release them through your fingers.
You were born with the desire to encompass your heart and
set it free so the world can share your love for life.
You were born with the capacity to find the means.
Go, set forth, express and be free.
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