If I'm angry, overwhelmed, tired, complaining, on the brink of tears, irritable, frustrated, you name it...take a pause, a deep breath, evaluate just how exhausted I am, and go straight to sleep. Ok...soooo am I all of the things I listed above? Yes. Should I be letting ANY words come out of my brain? Absolutely not. Am I going to anyway? Yep.
I despise being dramatic and I hate complaining, so I'm always wary of what I say. The other half of me doesn't really give a care what anyone thinks and they can just stuff their faces if they don't want to read what I have to say. Got that?
I had a rough day today. First busy day at work, insane rushes of huge groups of people and I had one other person to help me on the grill. It was exhausting. One order we got was for like 17 people at once. Anyway, it was exhausting. I'm exhausted. I've been working for 9 days now and have 6 more to go before I have a day off. I'm on the brink of tears just thinking about it. I was made the supervisor of the Grill yesterday, which I am really excited about. I get to help train 8 new grill employees tomorrow and next week, which is a daunting but totally fun thing to look forward to. Basically, I'm not complaining. I love my job. It's incredible. I love working hard and coming to the end of the long day being exhausted and knowing that I worked with everything in me and had an awesome day. I'm learning so much about myself. About integrity, about gathering strength from God when I don't have enough to keep going, about doing my best to be kind to people even when I'm busy or tired (still working a lot on that one, lol), about patience, patience, patience. Most of all, the most amazing thing that I've realized is that I am in control of how I react to circumstances, they do not control me. This is amazing. I can have a great day every day if I want to have one, which I do, every day. Even today, so many things happened that normally I would have let ruin my day. Just stupid little things piling up, but I didn't let them bug me. I'm tired, but so, so happy.
God is absolutely overwhelming me with his love. I walked out of work tonight and smelled the fresh air and saw the beautiful stars and asked God why he blesses me so much. I made the mistake of thinking that God's blessings means he loves me, which I know is true, but that's a really bad "thermometer" to go by. He loves me all the time, his blessings are just the icing on the cake. I realized though, that maybe what I think is him blessing me is really just my outlook on the life he's given me. Even the negative things I thank him for because that's when I grow the most. So, I see those as the biggest blessings. I think I realize now is that the biggest gift he's helped me to develop is my positive outlook on life. No matter what, I always see it as good. He is good. He loves me constantly no matter how much I mess up, which I've done a ton, and he just...yea. Like I said, I'm overwhelmed. The words aren't coming anymore, so I'm just going to go take a shower and go to sleep. God is absolutely beautiful. He fills me to the fullest all the time, no matter what. I've seen his love for me out here more than I ever have before in my life. Absolutely overwhelming. I love it.
